To Help or Not by Dr. Juan Harrison
To Help or Not
They tell us that almost 50% of parents of younger adults are helping their children financially. Most parents struggle to find a balance in how much support to give their child. Some parents are adamant about hanging onto all their stuff and letting the executor send out the notifications of who gets what. Some parents often regularly remind their children how they’ll be blessed when the parent passes. Then there’s the other parent whose philosophy is to help their children when they need it instead of waiting for the graveyard.
The challenge for parents willing to help their children in a time of need is to not let the swimmer in the lake grab hold of you and pull you down with em where you both perish. Wisdom must temper the heart. We don’t like to see our children struggle, but some of that is necessary for their marriage to grow strong and independent. On the other hand, most reasonable successful couples when they are older will not need support from their parents when the will is finally dispersed to the beneficiaries at the older person’s demise.
An elderly person wouldn’t be wise to give away all their property before they’re through the high maintenance years of assisted living, nursing home, and hospice. But if they are able to spare some funds to help out the younger folks in a pinch, so be it. Later in their lives and marriages the children may not need any assistance.
These days we see up to 30% of our young single adults living at home with Mom and Dad. On the other hand we hear that around 10% of elderly parents are living with their kids. With the economy affecting many people’s lives today, we’re seeing more family members moving in together sharing housing and food costs.
People’s retirements and 401K’s seem to be shrinking in value and threatening to run out early. More companies are no longer offering retirement. Recent investments in banks have had almost no yield. These are truly unpredictable times. Most parents know their children well enough to know how far and how much to extend themselves for their children. Sometimes unforeseen circumstances may require extraordinary efforts and everyone’s part to get through the mounting financial crisis on the horizon.
Hopefully, present and future crises will serve to help pull families together, not apart. Children have to be cognizant of their parents’ financial situation. Parents have to be honest about how far they are able to help their children without endangering their retirement security. If both parties are mindful and respectful of the other’s situation, maybe the family members can lean on each other without crushing one another.
By Dr. Juan Harrison
