The First Step by Dr. Juan Harrison

I was thinking the other day about the challenges parents face in dealing with adult children and grandchildren.  In the early days it was diapers, formula, feeding, rocking, little sleep and moments of affection and closeness.  For years we controlled them, then the teen years and early adulthood hit.  By then the control knob started tilting their way.  Our work was done, right?

The new challenge for a lot of us was making that transition from adult/child relationship to adult/adult.  Some of us have made a smooth transition; some continue to try to hold on to some sort of control and pay a price for it.  Sometimes it’s just danged hard to let go of the reins.

When you successfully make that transition and find yourself with a mature young adult you’re proud of, you wanna pop with pride for the good job you’ve done.  Then there’s the other ones.  You want to say, “Why can’t you be like —.” Maybe you just thought it.  Either way the stomach starts churning as we ache for the bad judgment or poor choices made that created messes and anxiety all around.  

Sometimes parents almost long for the old days when a dry diaper or fresh bottle helped quell the crying jag.  Life is messy.  We can dress things up with nice homes and SUV’s in the driveway, but the truth is a lot of parents belong to that club where the members have to pay their dues in tears and frustration of where did I go wrong; what didn’t I do?

The challenge for a lot of parents of adult children is to realize you’re dealing with a grown person.  You’re pretty limited on your influence and control.  A heavy hand here can create a rift that might not be mended.  If they’re communicating with you, count yourself blessed.  I know some rich folks who can’t even buy a hello from an estranged child for a long time.  Any contact may serve as a blessing.  Any open door is a possibility.

There’s always hope.  Never give up.  Reconciliation is possible.  Down deep most likely they’re longing to crawl back into Mama’s arms and hug on Daddy.  I’ve watched friends try to stay busy and keep their minds off of what is, instead of what might have been.  Some nights, sleep is hard to come by if the memory wheels start turning.

God says He will give us the desires of our heart.  He knows what we want and need before we ask.  Even Jesus asked if it were possible to have the bitter cup pass him by.  It didn’t as He endured the pain.  Ultimately that may be the same result for the heartbroken parent missing the smile and the touch of an adult child secretly waiting, wanting reconciliation but afraid of the first step.

[adning id=”33207″]