Freezing and Thawing By Dr. Juan Harrison
Freezing and Thawing
Looking outside at the ice and snow covered streets in late January you can see water begin to flow down the curbs as the temperature has risen above freezing and the snow and ice melt into a slushy mess. The extremely cold temperatures have slowed any traffic or outside movement to a crawl. Finally, the sun has come out to begin the thawing process. Before long the ice will be gone, and life will return to normal in East Texas. In contrast with Texas, I’ve visited or lived in places around the globe where the ground stayed frozen and snow covered until April or longer.
Human relationships tend to fall along similar lines. Most people are able to get along with most other people well enough to maintain a civil relationship. Some folks we try to avoid. The toughest ones we deal with are those where it is almost impossible to avoid contact, or should I say conflict. Marriages hovering over the bonfire of conflict and anger often crash and burn as the dysfunction finally burns it all down. Family and work interactions can be a struggle.
Sometimes it’s brothers and sisters who disagree about Mom and Dad’s intentions in the will or on a note or a verbal promise that can literally tear a family apart. Walls grow taller as communication grinds to a halt. Throw in hurt feelings where one adult child feels and seems to have borne the bulk of the burden helping take care of the elderly parent but receiving very little appreciation or assistance in the process and you’ve got some hurt feelings.
One of the toughest and more common relationship issues for the family unity involves ungrateful elderly family members who see things from one perspective. They often show little or express minimal appreciation for the family member who ends up being the main caregiver. Often they think the faithful child attempting to follow biblical admonition to honor thy father and mother shouldn’t complain since they will be a recipient of part or all of their earthly goods Rubbing salt in the wound of the load the main provider is carrying is the knowledge that other siblings could help bear more of the challenge but decline to do so simply waiting out the time for the reading of the will.
Sometimes we must accept family and friend relationships as they are. Other times the ice can thaw, and things can change for the better as people offer and receive forgiveness and grace. We can privately grieve and let hurt and anger occupy our heart, or we can forgive a person as they choose to forgive or simply let a relationship die. It’s at about that point in the marriage, sibling conflict, or battling the end stages of elder care that you may have to pull back on your heart strings and simply say to yourself, “Their loss.” Do what you can as long as you can, but sometimes you just do what you have to to keep things civil. Don’t leave your heart strings lying there to be stomped on.
By Dr. Juan Harrison
