A Living Death By Dr. Juan Harrison

A recent survey of women determined that the number one thing they want in a marriage partner is to feel safe.  A lot of men would find it surprising to learn that romance in the bedroom rated last on the list at number ten.  Being a listener and making her feel like an equal partner rated near the top.  The movies and TV might not find that so glamorous or exciting.

Safety can take on a lot of different meanings.  Maybe security is what women are referring to here. I’ve written before that the greatest fear of teenagers is the loss of a parent.  Children can handle many difficulties, including poverty, if they feel loved and secure in the arms of their parents.

In looking around we find a number of marriages suffering from the damages of infidelity or suspicions of such.  The hurt can be just as real if the injured partner senses that she or he is not number one in the heart of their  partner.  When this occurs no amount of money or big house can fill the void caused by the real or perceived hurt.

What boggles the mind is the selfishness of the guilty party as the offender destroys all feelings of trust and emotional security in their life partner.  Anyone who has or is enduring such a hurt can tell you that surviving or moving on in spite of such a great breach of trust and security in the marriage is often like climbing out of a pit staring up at a mountain ready for our ascent out of despair.

Sometimes it’s a single isolated lapse in judgement; other times it’s a serial offender.  Most people looking to mess up can eventually find a willing partner.  The wise ones survey the value of their family’s respect and security and realize what lasting damage their selfish action could destroy.

Over time most of us have had friends or family members confide in us the lingering effects of the wound that really never heals.  Knowing that your closest partner chose intimacy with someone else over you strikes our heart and feelings of self-worth.  We can fill our lives with activity, travel, luxuries, and general busyness, but the scar from the wound frequently reminds you of your loss of faith in your partner.  A million times they may wish to take it back, but the eyes of the spouse and children cannot look at you the same way as before.

But for the grace of God go us humans. Forgiveness is possible but forgetness is almost impossible.  The world says it’s okay if it’s two consenting adults.  They don’t tell you of the anger and bitterness that is now reflected in the hearts and eyes of the wounded family.  Sadly the guilty party learns too late that the wages of sin can be a living death.

By Dr. Juan Harrison