Warts and All Dr. Juan Harrison

Tonight, I’m sitting in a warm house with something warm to drink.  A rare January snowfall covers the lawn and the pasture out back. My wife took a moment to share her concern about a personal matter.  Like most men I was already trying to address her concern before she had the whole story out.  I think after 50 years that’s when I was supposed to listen and hear her out.  But after a lifetime of solving problems in some kind of supervisory position it’s hard to let old habits die easily.

For you guys who have been or were in a long-term relationship, it’s amazing how much give and take is required to keep things on track.  Us guys can step in it faster than you girls can bat your store-bought lashes.  We know better, but we just can’t help ourselves.  Hopefully, if the marriage survives long enough, we’d like to reach a point where we don’t have to keep replowing the same field.  It would free up a lot more time to do something more productive.  Still, us guys are not always wise.

I’ll bet everyone of us had had some quirk or peculiarity that regularly irritates our spouse.  I’ll bet that there are almost as many irritants as there are married folks.  Commode seat up or down.  Leave the laundry on the floor or in a hamper/basket.  Snoring, grinding teeth, weird nasal sounds, talking out in your sleep.  Leaving shoes all over the place, letting your closet pile up, leaving unwashed dishes in the sink to become dry and crusty.  Losing or misplacing your phone, wanting to go to sleep while the night owl partner wants to watch a little more TV.  One spouse wanting to sleep while the other wants to talk.  Hair in the sink. Somebody drinking up the last of the milk, coke, or tea and not saying anything.

Most couples’ fights aren’t about infidelity or the checkbook.  There’s this big old bundle of aggravating; irritating things people bring with them as humans into a relationship.  The issue is, will they eventually become deal breakers or simply remain in the aggravating basket.  People entering second or third marriages don’t seem to fare much better.  Frank used to sing that love is lovelier the second time around.  Maybe so, but we all have warts, and they have a bad habit of rubbing folks, especially those close to us, the wrong way.  

Welcome to the real world.  Old habits die hard.  The question is, is this worth fighting over, or can we come to accept the quirks and oddities that can drive each of us crazy or can we focus on their good traits and determine to make this relationship last.  Hopefully, we’ll be a bigger person and focus on those warts on our own side of the bed.

By Dr. Juan Harrison