Not Worth the Pain by Dr. Juan Harrison
Not Worth the Pain
It might have been down the street, on the school bus, or in the locker room. They were bullies. Maybe they wanted money, your lunch, or just enjoyed making you cry. As you grew older you still found them in the dugout, in the dorm or even in the barracks in the military.
You graduated, got discharged from the military, or started that first real job. Before long you learned about seniority, pecking order, and political clout. Pretty quickly you figured out where you fit in the scheme of things in your business or organization.
Unfortunately, all the bullies weren’t left behind on Maple St. or Junior High. Some ended up in your marriages and in your family trees. Those guys presented some special challenges in our lives. In some cases, they impacted the very essence of our lives.
Bullies don’t wear a sweater or gimme cap with the word “bully” written on it. You can feel it to your soul. They are cowards at heart. They’re actually scared little creatures inside with little or no real self-confidence. Much like the big bad wolf they tend to want to huff and puff hoping to blow your house down with hot air.
The toughest bullies to deal with often end up in our own families. Some are brothers and sisters who try to control every holiday or family gathering. Family members often give up when these guys have the ear of Grandma or Grandpa.
The ones having the longest lasting effect on us tend to be our parents. A lot of our parents are wise enough and confident enough to let their children grow into adulthood and reap the benefits of now sharing life as mature and equally valued members of the family. Unfortunately, some parents never feel confident enough to treat their children as equals, always maintaining an adult/child relationship instead of an adult/adult one.
The saddest relationships between parent and child that often continues until the parent passes on is based on bully parents determined to try and control or impact every facet of an adult child’s life. Some children are able to escape, elude and overcome the grasping insecure parent and avoid the smothering, meddling effects on their lives and marriages. Other weaker, less confident children tend to get pulled in under the parent’s grasp to have to deal with parental demands and issues of guilt when the child doesn’t do exactly what the overbearing dominating bully of a parent wants them to do. We know that is not love or respect. It’s simply an older insecure person trying to cling to the last dregs of power and control. No bully’s threat should cost a child a lifetime of misery and unhappiness.
By Dr. Juan Harrison
