Keep It in Mind by Dr. Juan Harrison
Keep It In Mind
I was thinking the other day about a friend’s family almost going to fist city over who was going to get something after mama passed. Some folks end up having to get caregivers evicted from late Daddy’s home after they claim common law marriage. Other friends bring in outside lawyers to battle other outside lawyers as they split the millions and the family. Some things can’t be undone.
Some folks seem to spend all their spare time concerned with who gets what after the funeral. Some elders may tell everyone what they’re getting beforehand, only to use it as control or leverage, frequently threatening to change the will when the desired amount of control isn’t achieved. Throw in Mama’s good silverware and family cookbook and you might have a small war on your hands.
Families quit speaking, and people forget why, aka Hatfields and McCoys or Grangerfords and Shepherdsons in Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn. Sometime Mama or Daddy remarries, and the new mom or dad starts the process of cutting out the original heirs. One lady I know didn’t even marry the old guy but ended up getting the house and all the bank accounts originally intended for his children. Life can be cruel. One widow friend got tied up with a fellow and ended up in a mess with his family. Today she lives more contentedly by herself without the constant conflict.
I don’t know if people are just naturally greedy or materialistic. I’ve heard that some suiters, given the opportunity to worm their way into a new will as the old one crashed and burned, say they want to help out their children. They often help an older fella in his last days and feel they’ve earned some special reward for making his last days less lonely. As a lot of adult children have watched Mom or Dad date or remarry, they may or may not be happy for the parent to find love and company in the older years. They just don’t want to see the family fortune, large or small, evaporate into some interloper’s pockets. The waters get so muddy and relationships get so bloody as greed battles legitimate beneficiaries.
What I’ve often seen in court has been old family members fighting other older family members. I keep reminding us that none of us are taking it with us. A lot of times the combatants will never be able to spend what they already have. Maybe the pot of gold is so small the lawyers may almost empty the pot. Sometimes it seems it’s almost simply a contest to see who wins. Have to keep in mind that we’re only here a short time, and we’re all renters. No one owns anything. We all know where it came from and who ultimately owns it.
By Dr. Juan Harrison
