Halving and Wholeness by Dr. Juan Harrison
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In recent years my wife and I find ourselves frequently sharing a meal when we eat out, unless it’s the roast beef special at South Main Café in Paris. I’m kind of protective of my rb; she might not wanna reach over for a bite. I saw my mama defend her eating turf with a sharp fork in the nursing home. Maybe it comes naturally.
Some restaurants give you good portions; others not so much. As we get older we found we could often get by on a little less food. It seemed to help out a bit with the waistline and the billfold. I think we might even have slept better. It reminded me of how almost 50 years of marriage has helped us develop this habit of splitting duties up around the house; often, as in most marriages, it’s not necessarily 50/50. Depending on who had the most free time, it might involve making the bed together or separately, if the other person was occupied. If she cooked, I cleaned. She washed, I dried. She put it in the washer, I put it in the dryer or toted the clean clothes to the bedroom. Probably a lot of you guys have had some kind of system like that. I take care of most of the outside. She waters her plants. She’s in charge of holidays and all the shopping. If I can’t find it at Braums it ain’t happening.
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I’m reminded of all the widows and widowers who used to have a system, but life happened and now all the responsibility falls on one. Not much halving going on. Often you have to fight some bitterness or anger when you think of your helpmate leaving you with all of the load. I’ve tried to make a book with phone numbers and names of repairmen. I’ve got the bills arranged in alphabetical order in the file cabinet. I’ve tried to remind her about changing the AC filters and looking up at the oil change sticker to remember when one is due. I do the car stuff; she does the house stuff.
It dawned on me one day the challenges of breaking in a new helpmate. Having someone to help break the loneliness that often accompanies singlehood can be a blessing. Still, it would be tough breaking in a new partner and probably having to adjust a lot of your routines, from eating habits to bedtime rituals. Funny what us older guys worry about compared to what we did or didn’t think about a half century ago.
Halving is a good thing; wholeness is better. Anything we can do in our senior years to help increase peace of mind to counter those old fear buggers that may come creeping in the night is a good thing. We all desire wholeness , but it may be difficult when the other half of the bed is empty and you’re dining alone. Living alone may not be fun, but it beats constantly resenting the hand you’ve been dealt.
By Dr. Juan Harrison
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