Liking and Loving by Dr. Juan Harrison
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I’m reminded of the line from the Jimmy Stewart movie Shenandoah set in Virginia in the Civil War. Patrick Wayne asks for Rosemary Forsythe’s hand in marriage. After Patrick proclaims his love for his daughter, Stewart asks, “But do you like her?” He asks again and then explained that he liked his wife for a good while before he truly loved her.
Movies and television tell us we instantly fall in love on seeing our future mate. Some of you may have experienced some instant feeling of attraction. One friend met and married his bride three weeks after first sight. I don’t know many of those. Seems like a lot of blanks left to fill in. Being in the military at the time may have encouraged him to act rather hastily. It lasted 60 plus, so who’s to say.
The problem with television and movies is that they deal with the superficial. They make it look so clear and simple in finding the right one. Without time and efforts to peek beneath the surface, a lot of important information may go uncovered, only to be discovered when the honey begins to drip off the moon.
I’m not wanting to diminish the power of physical attraction and a good sense of humor, but I tend to lean toward Jimmy Stewart’s emphasis on that deeper stuff we tend to uncover as we spend time with a love interest and get a general idea what they think and feel and believe about the important stuff when the hair falls out, the muscles start sagging, and the teeth aren’t the original equipment.
The challenge today for the youngers is having time in a rat race world to get to know the real person, the one who will be there when the gravy gets thin and the walls start closing in. Ushy, gushy romance is nice, but rock hard solid liking each other can go a long way toward helping us work as a team in the hard times. In the middle of a tiff early on is not a good time to wonder, who is this person I’ve pledged my life to? Our nation’s 50% divorce rate tells us we might want to take a little more care in getting to know our prospective spouse. We do that when we buy a house or a car, so it’s reasonable to think we might not want to rush into romance with our eyes shut. A counselor once said go into marriage with your eyes wide open; keep em half shut when the warts start to appear on the new spouse.
Frank Sinatra sang, “Love is lovelier the second time around.” Maybe so, but I’m thinking if a couple could get a more realistic idea of who and what they’re getting , maybe we wouldn’t have to worry as much about Frank’s song.
By Dr. Juan Harrison
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