Sharing the Load
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One day it dawned on me how complicated this thing called marriage is. I thought it would get simpler as the years passed, but t’aint so. You just have a lot more material to work with, or maybe in my case as the clueless half, a lot more chances of steppin in it.
Ever thought about how many decisions we make each day. Over time each partner develops their own areas of responsibilities. Meddling in the other’s territory can get you some serious repercussions. Still, daily living is constantly requiring us to make decisions, often on the spur of the moment. A wise partner considers the impact not only on themselves but on spouse and possibly other family members. Most of them don’t involve heart surgery or cancer treatment, but add them all together and you determine the state of the relationship.
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Before, it was just old selfish me the bachelor, then it became us. If she’s sick or away on a trip, I don’t sleep as well. If I have good news, I want to hurry and share it. If I have bad news, I want to hold off and try to soften the blow. You soon can’t remember when you didn’t have to think of the spouse when you considered buying something or what somebody might want for supper.
We say it becomes second nature to us, considering and including others in the process. Sometimes old first nature wants to horn in and get its way. Inevitably it comes with a price. Funny how getting a second opinion can save a lot of grief but may look like sausage making in the process. Little decisions like figuring out what to do about supper can usually be resolved quickly, unless you’re already in traffic and still arguing about a food choice. The tougher ones, often involving other relatives can get a little muddled as to the details for Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, and any other occasions or annual events you’re a part of as a couple.
I was grateful the other day that her lane of responsibility included organizing the Christmas menu and who would bring what. So-and-so was coming, then they weren’t, then they were. The person bringing one of the main foods was waiting to be cleared medically to attend. Plan B was waiting in the wings to kick in. You share the blame and the glory, so you want your spouse’s efforts to host a great event to be a happy affair and a credit to you both. Sure, the wife deservedly should get most of the credit, but after all the times you had to taste test her holiday fare, you should get a little credit too.
By Dr. Juan Harrison
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