12 Days of Christmas
"Hopkins County Style"

 

by: Bobby McDonald

 

We learned that the price of the traditional "12 Days of Christmas" had escalated to a whoppin' $21, 465.56....for all those "lord's a leeping," "swans a swimming," and "pipers a piping!" Knowing that the "economic crunch" had hit Hopkins County, and that most folks here didn't spend that extravagantly on Christmas, we decided to do a little bit of local shopping for this holiday season.

            Traditional                                                 Hopkins County Style

 

A Partridge in a Pear Tree                                                                                     One 10 point Deer rack

Two Turtle Doves                                                                                                       Two Spotlights

Three French Hens                                                                                                 Three Fishin' Lures

Four Calling Birds                                                                                                   Four Mud-grip Tires

Five Gold Rings                                                                                                         Five Flannel Shirts

Six Geese a Laying                                                                                                    Six Cans of Spam

Seven Swans a Swimming                                                                                    Seven Packs of Redman

Eight Maids a Milking                                                                                        Eight Lady Milkers

     Nine Ladies Dancing                                                                                      Nine Months of Probation

  Ten Lords a Leeping                                                                                          Ten Cans of Copenhagen

Eleven Pipers Piping                                                                                             Eleven Bingo Cards

            Twelve Drummers Drumming                                                                      A Twelve Pack of Bud Light         

 

We first went to Black Jack Package Store in Cumby, and found out that a 12-pack of Bud Light would cost $12.98; you could get a 12-pack of "Milwaukee Best" for only $7.98, but we figured that most in Hopkins County would "splurge" and purchase the Bud Light!

 

 

Next, on our list, were our eleven bingo cards.......we called the VFW and they allowed that bingo cards were $1.00 each, so that totaled $11.00.

 

 

The price of tobacco and snuff has escalated this year, but it you shop at Super Handy, you can still get a 10-pack roll for $46.90.

 

 

After considerable questions and explanations at the Hopkins County Probation Office, we learned that the price of one month's probation fees, was $40.00, so nine months of probation would cost $360.00.

 

 

 

 

Eight Lady Milkers all milking at the same time, even in Hopkins County, is now very hard to find. However, we talked to Vera Harrington and she advised that any milkmaid "worth her salt," should be able to milk a cow by hand, in one-hour. Going rate for milking is $8.00 an hour, so eight maids milking for one-hour would be $64.00.

 

 

We called Joe Bob's for the price of Redman Chewing Tobacco, and found it at $7.39 a pouch. Thus, seven packages would be $51.73.

 

 

The price of Spam has really gone up in the past year. We shopped at Brookshires, and found that Spam is $2.23 a can. Six cans would be $13.38.

 

 

Five flannel shirts, all in different colors, at Wal-Mart would cost you $9.50 each, for a total of $47.50.

 

 

Four "Mud-grip"tires was the most expensive item on our list, and we found them priced "new" at $125.00 each, at Tire Town. However, the more prudent Hopkins County shopper might could find them for less, used. But, we added the total to $500.00.

 

 

 

 

 

Three fishing lures, at The Bait Shop, would set you back for $2.99 each, or a total of $8.97.

 

 

And, two spotlights (the good kind "The Varmit Light"), at Village Gun and Pawn, would cost you $46.95 each, for a total of $93.90.

 

 

We got to shopping around for that "prize ten-point buck" ...... a hunting lease would cost $1200.00 annually; a deer feeder, the deluxe model at Tractor Supply was $179.99; a ton of deer corn would be $240.00; deer rifle shells are $1.00 each, so you know it would take at least 25 to kill one deer; processing was $90.00; and that doesn't include the ATV-4 Wheeler, Ford Pickup from ABC Auto-Plex; the trailer to haul the ATV; or any licenses, guns, or extras......we just decided that it was PRICELESS!!!!

Best we could figure, a Hopkins County Christmas would total $1,210.36!!!

 

 

 

 

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